I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
