All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
