just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
