If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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