I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
