yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
