Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
