I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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