I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
