You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
