I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
3 2 1 whiskey
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize