God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
