I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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