Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
