i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sorry about my life...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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