I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
