the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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