A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize