You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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