So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."