No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.