I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN