Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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