I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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