Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
