Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
