i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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