can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
