Whod you bang
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
