I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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