im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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