Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
