So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
