So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
