the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
