WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
