i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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