Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
