Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
