i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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