Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
