So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You need a sexual gate keeper
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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