how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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