porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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