Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
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Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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