oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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