So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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