i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
