Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
