I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
