Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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