So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
