so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
