Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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