We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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