I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
