I can text with my tongue
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
