And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
