you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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