Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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