Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
